Inspiration, back!

This is just to show you that 1.) I like making art, 2.) I'm shit at making art, and 3.) I obviously have no idea what the female body is supposed to look like. The idea for this was cooler than the actual thing turned out. I drew each part separately on this really nice colored paper and assembled it together. Oh, whatever. I was just really bored last night, and I want to give my blog some more color! It's been getting so drab and boring lately!

In better news, I feel like my inspiration and motivation is coming back! I'm getting excited over everything again, and finally getting really stoked on thin girls, and just excited to go to school and have a set schedule to plan, plan, plan! Plan everything!

In worse news, I'm really worried about my grandma. She's been basically having an onslaught of health problems. Her stroke was minor, but she was so weak that even the minor stroke really screwed her up. She can't talk. This makes me sadder than anything, because the sound of my grandma's voice is one of, it not my favorite, sound in the whole world. I hope that when I get old that my voice sounds exactly like hers. And I may never hear her speak again. That fucking scares me. And I can't tell my mom that I'm sad, because it'll make her sadder. It's her mother. If my mother died, I would die. Just drop dead. And I'm sorry for writing this because I'm sure you're all getting bummed out having to think about that subject. But I'm just hoping for the best. And I feel selfish as fuck because the thought that keeps popping into my head is that my mom will be too upset/preoccupied to notice that I'm not eating.

Today she made a 240 calorie sandwhich and ate half of it.
That, coffee, a spoonful of guacamole and a spoonful of peanut butter icing.
When she doesn't eat enough it makes me really upset.

But I'm eating way less than her.

And I don't concern myself at all.
Does that make me selfish?

Did I tell you that it's my brother's birthday and I'm making him a cake? An appalling cake. It's actually comical how many components the cake has. But I love baking cake, and I haven't tasted. Even the home-made peanut butter icing, everyone tasted it and told me how amazing it was, and I was completely uninterested.

Birthday dinner tonight.

Let's see how little I can eat.

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UPDATE: This is what happens when I'm home alone for three hours.

In hindsight, I didn't eat all that much. But who fucking cares? I binged last night, I purged today, it all comes together. And whatever I didn't puke out is now giving me a tummy ache. And I have to go to dinner still. I think I'm going to be fat forever.