Bitch? No. Bail-out? Nuh-uh. Babbling brook? I wish. BINGE. On the 27th. It was the best and worst binge I've had, like, ever. "Worst" because I consumed about 1,000cals in a few hours. "Best" because the food was all really healthy. Well, most of it. It made me gain .2lbs. Not too bad.
Yesterday I had below 500cals, but that's just an estimation. I made an avocado salad that was about 320cals, and then had a show that night where I drank two cups of some really watered down lemonade. So I think 500cals is a generous enough estimate.
This morning I was down .6lbs. I wish it was more, but I did weigh in 5 hours earlier than usual. Would that have made a difference? Probably not. I meant to let myself have 200 cals today, but I estimated some stuff wrong and I think I'm already way over. : ( So I'm probably at 300 right now, fasting for the rest of the day. I feel so full and guilty right now.
There's a boy that I wish I could tell you about. I really, really wish I could tell you about him. Sometimes people come back into your life, just for a couple hours. You're surprised that they remember you. You're surprised that they act the same way that they used to. You're surprised that they've gotten even more beautiful. And that they're still acting interested. You're so scared to believe it, but by golly, they're still acting interested. I might be seeing him again in late October. I won't be skinny enough then but I'll be skinny enough to let him like me. But this is probably just all made up in my head. It always is. But everyone agrees with me. I'm reading those clips and montages of small, nervous actions totally wrong. But everyone agrees with me. Everyone is reading those actions the same way I am. But last time I let myself believe it, I was in a bad place, I was a freak and held onto an idea way too long and much too tightly.
I will never write about this again. Until October.
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Update: I've been eating all day. Under 1000 cals I think. Need to work out.
love your blog :)
ReplyDeletestay strong x
At least the binge was healthy. That's certainly a huge plus. And hey, .6 lbs down is better than 0 lbs down, right? Keep with it and you'll keep seeing progress.
ReplyDeleteMaybe that boy really does like you, ever think of that? You really are a great person; you've gotta believe me on that.
Healthy binges are crazy. Whenever I binge on healthy food, I feel okay because it consists mostly of raw fruits/veggies, but bad because I didn't savor it lol.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with this boy♥
Hey, stay strong, I'm sure 'the guy' likes u...
ReplyDeletelove ur blog, btw...
♥ Pi
Sounds like a good guy..
ReplyDeleteWork out sounds like a good thing to do right now, I might go out later but just for a walk. Also in the news; they're starting a gym around here so that might motivate more people (aka parents) to start exercising more, and that way they might start losing weight, and I just couldn't have them be losing more than me could I?)
You could try getting on of those yellow post-its, write on it your CGW and keep it by your computer, I'm gonna do that but just haven't found any post-its around the house, heh.
Good luck girlie (with boys and other things ;I)
Yeah! You binged on healthy foods instead of bad. When you feel like binging, it's so much better to do it with natural foods b/c it's lower in calories and nutritious. For example, the calories in 1 snickers bar is the same as 4 3/4 cup of apples, 38 cups of spinach, or 48 medium strawberries.
ReplyDelete