Intake: 1 cucumber, 10 saltines, two pieces of sugar free gum, a couple cups of some gross diet cranberry drink, and now I'm picking at some type of trail mix. I will not eat more! I'll let myself drink as much as I want (cranberry stuff & diet coke... I've been hoarding the latter for weeks in my room, and now I have two half-full 2-liter bottles all for me! I'm so sneaky)

My plan! I'm taking precautionary measures EARLY to safe-guard myself against a Thanksgiving binge. So! Starting November 1st, ONLY raw food, until Thanksgiving. This is foolproof. You know why? I can actually tell my mom about this one and she'll be supportive. And! Well this one is kind of goes to show that I have a sick fucking mind, but... after nearly a month of eating only raw food, the first solid food I eat is not going to go over well with my stomach. So I will be forced to control myself at Thanksgiving for fear of a stomach ache, and even if I stuff myself silly, my body will reject it anyway. Thanksgiving will not win. So I have two days left of solid food after today! I'm going out with a bang. I think I'm going to give myself a Halloween treat of Japanese food Saturday night. Woohoo? Hm.

I actually found some scholarships that I qualify for (and by "qualify" I mean I found a bunch of scholarships with essays I can write about really well) so I'm going to try and do one of those a night until I get some.

I want to stop cutting. I just don't like these scars anymore. Today my leg under where I cut the other day was hurting really bad, like I couldn't step on it. It was weird. I don't know why. I just feel really bad having this on me right now.

EDIT:

FUCK SCHOLARSHIPS. I just rechecked the ones I thought I qualified for, and most of them I actually don't for some random reason. Since I'm not black, Latino, poor, I don't have 9,000 hours of community service, I'm not #1 in my class rank (I'm like #60 but everyone ahead of me has like a fucking 4.0 anyway so it doesn't even fucking mean anything!) and apparently since I live in GA, no fucking scholarship wants to give me any money even though I have no fucking way of affording college. HOPE will pay for tuition if I stay in school, but I still need books and living expenses because the place I decided to go to requires first-years to stay on campus. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I found a topic that was seriously WRITTEN FOR ME, like it was TOO perfect, only to find out I'm not eligible because I don't live in the right state. Ugh.