God.

I binged.
I was just so bummed about...everything.

I don't know what to do anymore.
Maybe I should take a break from this blog for a while.

Or maybe I should write in it constantly to keep my head in this because if I don't I let the rest of the world get in, then I get upset, then I revert back to some sick form of self-injury where I make myself eat even though it kills me. I feel sick, I feel hopeless, and I miss starving. I thought being hungry was the best feeling but knowing that my body is actually starving makes me feel like a god.

I still don't have a scale.
All my security is gone.

My mom is bitching at me for "not excercising regularly" (really? because I do it just about every day, it's just that she's never home to see) and yet she forces me to go out to eat with her... god I hate this. I hate eating, I can't believe I ate so much of it. I'm a hog. I deserve to die. I shouldn't be doing this. I won't feel good until I'm starving again.