: )

11:37, I'm smiling, feeling great, tired, and 80 calories short of my max for the day.

I had an amazing day! I had a fun day out and then my friend came over and we danced and had an amazing time. I ate a salad at 10:30 and did the first segment of this funny 'Bollywood Burn' DVD I got on Netflix. : ) I love Bollywood stuff, it's just so happy. And the routine on there is really hard on my legs! Which is a good thing of course. : )

This right now is the biggest break from anxiety I've had in like... over a month! The only thing right now that I'm feeling anxious about is that when I was making my salad (at like 4, and put it away) I snacked a little... by that I mean like two pieces of cucumber and a tiny piece of hard boiled egg white... which can't have totalled to any more than 15 calories, I know... but I'm still freaking out. Because I didn't know exactly how much I was putting in. I hate not knowing. I hate snacking. It should be slow and controlled, ceremonious. Plus, I still don't feel any thinner.

But today was a good day! : ) Every single day should be like this. 120 calories, excercise, and friends. Tomorrow I'm going on some intense job search. When I have money I can buy a new scale (if mine is really broken, I need to figure that out) and maybe even a food scale! That would be awesome since I mostly eat fruits and vegetables, and I can't get more than an estimate on that without knowing how many grams are there.

I just can't even describe how great my mood is. : )
I'm so fucking hungry but right now it feels amazing, like the sky opened up and fucking rainbow is HUGGING ME right now! Ahaha. Today was so inspiring because I know this is the sure-fire way to get my anxiety down. When I'm out of control I can't TAKE life. I didn't even want to be ALIVE today, and then I resisted food, boy did I! My friend dragged me to this burger place (I don't eat meat but I could've gotten fries or something... but I didn't!) and kept offering me a fry, almost begging me to try them because they were so good, and I resisted. Why would I ever want to eat a french fry? Why would I ever want to eat again? Why would I ever want to eat if eating makes me want to kill myself and NOT eating makes me want to dance with joy? Is this the amazing euphoria everyone says you get when you don't eat? Is this the fucking promised land? I want to feel like this CONSTANTLY!

Ahhh I'm just so excited!

Sorry for this rant. : ) I hope everyone else had a successful day!!!

PS, today my mom was like "All the weight you've lost has been in the top half of you... the bottom hasn't caught up yet..." NOT NECESSARY!!! But screw it, she'll see. : ) She also asked me, "You're not starving, are you?" and I don't know if I should have taken that as "Are you starving yourself?" or more likely, "You're not really hungry, are you? Do you need money to get something?" Let's hope it was the latter and avoid paranoia. And let's stop thinking negative things because I want to fall asleep with a smile on my face! : )