I can't stop fucking binging! This is the worst I've ever had!
I'm not grounded from Blogger anymore because that obviously wasn't helping me not binge.
If every time I binge I post here, it's not 'my little secret' anymore. You guys will know. And I'll have to take responsibility for it.
Since Saturday BEFORE last Saturday, I have had one binge-free day. What the fuck is wrong with me?
There are no sharp razors in my house.
I just want that relief. I don't deserve it, but I want it.
I've tried the "eat in front of the mirror" technique. All that did was made me realize that my skin actually doesn't jiggle all over the place when I chew, like I had previously thought.
I've tried writing how I feel when I binge. I've tried reaffirming that everyone is disgusted at me, and they make themselves forget me just to get my image out of their heads. Why does nothing work?
Tomorrow I'm planning some absolutely disgusting meals for myself. The past week I have loved food, but I need to forget that and learn to be indifferent to food.
Apple sauce and cayenne pepper for breakfast? Cheerios and veganaise for lunch? Cinammon and tomatoes for dinner, and maybe some peas in cocoa powder for desert? Yes. I'm forcing all of this shit down. I'm a machiiiine. So either I'll disgust myself out of eating, or I'll discover some amazing culinary blend that will bring me fame and fortune. I'd be stoked on either.
I binge everyday too now, it's getting ridiculous. We need to stop.
ReplyDeleteStrange. Same here with the binging, I have been ridiculous..finally cutting back now. It seems like a lot of blogger posts lately have been dedicated to self-loathing because of a food slip up. I say give yourself credit where it's due. You have things going for you and a following on blogger. So you ate some (or lots of!) food...it's alright darling we ARE human. We have been CONDITIONED to crave it for things other than hunger!
ReplyDeleteBe strong. You will be okay. So will I (hope). I think we should feel good about ourselves --that is key. Love who you are, and keep in mind the power to change your body if you WANT to.
xo Sar
I do not mean to sound like a preacher, just feeling your words; they strike a chord. Can't help but comment : )