Haha, I gained 100lbs because yesterday I ate 100lbs of lead.

Haha, my brother is getting Chinese food tonight (my number 1 binge food).

Haha, if my brother doesn't get Chinese food tonight, the back-up plan is pasta (my number 2 binge food.)

Hahaha, and my sister is making pumpkin chocolate chip cookies (probably the best type of cookie there is.)

Ha! Ha! Ha! My skinny friends are coming over to help me plan my skinny friend's birthday party that will be held at my house that everyone will ignore me at because I'm a fat cow.

Haha, I want to fucking kill myself.

I've spent 99% of today in utter awe of how ugly and fat I am, drowning my sorrows in homework and gallons, gallons, gallons of water. I know yesterday I wanted to look out for my health, but after the worst day/night I've had in longer than I can remember, fuck my health. My stomach tells me to eat, it's hungry, then it tells me to stop, it's hurting. Make up your fucking mind!

The worst part is, I ate so much yesterday not because I thought I needed the nutrition, but because I felt like I didn't deserve the weight loss.

I got Wintergirls from the library the other day, and after forcing myself to get all the way through it, I have to admit, it's probably in my Top Three Least Favorite Books I've Ever Read. I'm sorry, but it fucking sucked. I was so disappointed, because it gets hyped so much. It just seems like the author made absolutely no effort to fully develop a single character or event. Now that I'm done with that, I can read A Thousand Splendid Suns which will probably be really good.

Ew, I hate myself.

-Update-

Pasta wins. I felt a major binge coming on, so rather than eat pasta out of the pan until I involuntarily puke, I made myself a plate and it slithered into my tummy before I knew what was going on. I was doing so well today, too. I'm way over my calorie allowance, but normally not a completely horrible number for the day. But I also ate the pasta at 8PM, so the number on the scale tomorrow could very well be worse than today.